he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
