so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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