I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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