How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
