dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize