life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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