I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
