i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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