well I can't set my house on fire every night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
