Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
