u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we should paint friendship bongs
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
