In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
