If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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