Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
