Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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