Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
