i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She announced her abortion via fbk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
