Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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