i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
