Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
