he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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