also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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