I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
