No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
