sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
