Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
