): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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