i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
