i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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