you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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