3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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