oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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