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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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