I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
