did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
