As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
