I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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