saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
