I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
