well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
