apparently the secret to your success is patron
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
