If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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