There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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