Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
