I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
