dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
