I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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