I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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