2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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