i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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