I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize