My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
