Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
