I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
