When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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