I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
