It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize