I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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