I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
