we made out on top of his cat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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