I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
