i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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