just come out here and I will go home with you...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
