My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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