Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
