I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
