Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
