apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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