I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
