dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Girls should come with a carfax report
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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